Living through a fairy tale
by Yasaonna-Chan
Summary: Luffy is the idiotic prince, Nami is the scary Princess. Little Snow-White! Everything is a funny parody, a must read if you need a hard laugh!


Once upon a time in mid winter, when the snowflakes were falling like feathers from heaven, a beautiful Queen sat sewing at her window, which had a frame of black ebony wood and a sight to the magical mikan trees, which even bloom in mid winter. As she sewed, she looked up at the snow and pricked in her finger with her needle. Three drops of blood fell into the bright white snow. The red on the snow looked so beautiful.

'Damn…I want a child with a skin as white as snow, red lips as blood and orange hair just like the magical mikans…' She thought sucking on her finger. Soon afterwards she had a little daughter that was as white as snow, red as blood and orange as magical mikans, and therefore they called her Little Snow-White. Her mother, the beautiful queen, died and her dad married another woman. Now her step-mother took care of her. She was mean, but beautiful. She had black long hair, but she loves snakes. She had a mirror, which she stood in the front of every morning and asked:

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who in this land is the fairest of all?"

And the mirror always said:

"You, Hancock-Swan~, are the fairest of them all"

And then she knew for certain that no one in the world was more beautiful than she. Now Snow-White grew up, and when she seven years old, she was so beautiful, that she surpassed even the queen herself. Now the queen asked:

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, in this land is the fairest of all?"

The mirror said:

"You, Hancock-Swan~, are fair, it is true. But Little Snow-White-Swan is still a thousand times fairer than you"

"What!" yelled the queen mad "You must be joking!"

"I…I'm sorry, Hancock-swan!" yelled the Mirror afraid.

"I've had it!" yelled the queen mad. She looked into the mirror seeing Snow-White. She screamed and wanted to pull all her hair out of her head. Her anger raised and she summoned a huntsman and said to him:

"Take Snow-White away into the forest. I will no longer have her in my sight. Kill her, and bring me back her lung and liver as a token. I give it to my dearest snakes" The huntsman obeyed and took Snow-White to the woods. He grabbed his hunting knife and the beautiful princess noticed. She looked afraid at him and begged, with tears in her beautiful eyes:

"Please dear huntsman, don't hurt me! Spare my life! I run into the woods and never return again! I promise!" The huntsman looked at her with pity, not wanting to hurt her.

"Run, go away…" said the huntsman. The princess stood up, her hair shadowing her eyes. She run away fast, yelling:

"Hell yea!" with a grin

"Fake tears!" yelled the huntsman. The huntsman sighed and looked around. He found a boar and smirked. He cut the boar's liver and lungs out and gave it to the queen. She smiled and fed it to her snakes. She laughed hard and the Mirror and huntsman looked disgusted.  
Snow-White walked through the woods looking for a place to live but she was lost.

"Awesome…I'm lost…What am I going to do now?" said the beautiful princess. The sun was about to set and she found a little house. The house belonged to seven dwarfs. They were working in a mine, and not at home. Snow-White went inside and found everything to be small, but neat and orderly. There was a little table with seven plates, seven little spoons, seven little knives and forks, seven little mugs and against the wall there were seven little beds, all freshly made.

"Hell yea! Food!" yelled the princess. She ate everything, not even thinking about the seven poor dwarfs. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. She tried each of the seven beds, one after another, but none felt right for her highness butt.

"Goddamn assed beds…" murmured the princess. She lay on the last bed and fell asleep.  
When the night came, the seven dwarfs returned home from the work. They lit their seve candles, and saw that someone had been in their house.

"Who the hell have been sitting on my chair?" said the green haired, mean looking dwarfs.

"Who the hell has been eating from my plate!" said the curly dwarf with a long nose.

"Where the fuck is my bread!" yelled the blue haired, strong looking dwarf

"So, where exactly are my vegetables?" asked the brown haired one, with the cutest voice (A/N: Chopper, didn't know how to describe him…)

"Where's my fork?" asked the dwarf with the afro

"And my knife?" asked the female dwarf with raven black hair.

"Someone broke my mug…" said the blue haired female one.

The green haired said:

"Who has been having sex in my bed?"

The curly one said:

"It must have been one big orgy…In my bed too…"

"Here's the sexmaniak!" said the blue haired female. Everyone was looking at the princess sleeping in the seventh bed. They fetched their candles and looked at Snow-White

"Good lord…She's beautiful..." said the dwarfs in unison. They liked her very much. They did not want to wake them up , but let her lie there in the bed. The seventh dwarf had to sleep with his companions, one hour with each one, and then the day was done. Snow-White woke up and looked around, seeing seven dwarfs.

"So who the fuck are you?" asked the green haired dwarf. The princess blinked and smiled a bit.

"I'm Snow-White, the princess"

"Awesome. What the hell are you doing here?" Snow-White pouted and told them everything about the shitty huntsman and her step-mother. The dwarfs pitied her and said:

"Listen chick, if you will keep house for us, and cook, sew, make beds, wash, and knit, and keep everything clean and orderly, then you can stay here, and you'll have everything that you want. We come home in the evening and supper must be ready by then, but we spend the days digging for gold in the mine. You will be alone then. Watch out for the queen, and do not let anyone in"

The queen thought she was again the most beautiful woman in the land, and the next morning she stepped before the Mirror and asked:

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, in this land is the fairest of all?"

The mirror said:

"You, Hancock-Swan~, are fair, it is true. But Little Snow-White-Swan beyond the seven mountains, is still a thousand times fairer than you"

It startled the queen to hear this, and she knew that she had been deceived, that the huntsman had not killed Snow-White.

"Damned!" yelled the queen mad. Only the seven dwarfs lived in the seven mountains, she knew at once that they must have rescued her. She began to plan immediately how she might kill her, because she would have no peace until the mirror once again said that she was the most beautiful woman in the land. At last she thought of something to do.

"Snow-White will die! If it costs me my life!" Then she went to her most secret room – no one else was allowed inside – and she made a poisoned, poisoned apple. From the outside it was red and beautiful, and anyone who saw it would want it. Then she disguised herself as an peasant woman and colored her face, so that no one would recognize her, went to the dwarf's house and knocked on the door. Snow-White peeped out and said  
"The hell do you want? I can't let you in"

"If you don't want to, I can't force you" said the peasant woman "I am selling these apples, And I will give you one to taste"

"Hell, no, I don't want apples, I only like mikans, now go away" she closed the door and the queens anger raised highed. She went back to the castle and prepared a poisoned mikan.

-One hour Later-

"I have mikans…" said the old peasant woman. Snow-white peeped again and looked at the beautiful orange mikan. "Try it, it's delicious" Snow-White's desire for it grew wider. She took it and unpeeled it. She bit into it, but barely had the bite in her mouth when she fell to the ground dead. The queen was happy, went home, and asked her mirror:

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who in this land is the fairest of all?"

And the mirror said:

"You, Hancock-Swan~, are the fairest of them all"

"Now I'll have some peace" she said "because once again I'm the most beautiful woman in the land. Snow-White is dead!"

The evening the dwarfs returned home from the mines. Snow-White was lying on the floor, and she was dead. They tried to help her but nothing worked out. They could not bring her back to live. They laid her on a bier, and all seven sat next to her and cried and cried for three days. They were going to bury her, but they saw that she remained fresh. She did not look at all like a dead person, and she still had beautiful red cheeks. They had a glass coffin made for her, and laid her inside, so that she could be seen easily. They wrote her name and ancestry on it in gold letters, and one of them always stayed at home and kept watch over her.  
One day a young prince rode through the woods, finding something to eat

"I'm hungry! I want meat!" said the young raven black haired prince, rubbing his talking stomach. He looked around and saw a little house. He smiled and rode to it, with his horse, Merry. He knocked on the door and the blue haired, strong looking man opened the door. The prince wanted some shelter and something to eat. When he came into their parlor and saw Snow-White lying there in a glass coffin, illuminated so beautifully by seven little candles, he could not get enough of her beauty.

"Who's that?" asked the prince curious.

"That's Snow-White, the princess of this land…" said the black haired female dwarf. The prince walked closer to her and looked at her beautiful face, never taking his eyes from her.

"I'll make something to eat for you…" She said. The prince nodded and sat down next to the coffin. He didn't knew better or she was sleeping. The prince was an idiot so he really thought she was sleeping. He looked around, hoping nobody would see him, and he went closer to her, giving her a little magical kiss on her red blood lips. Snow-White sat upright and looked around. She coughed a few times and the prince looked with wide eyes at her. She was even more beautiful awake. She looked at the prince with wide eyes and the prince waved.

"The hell are you?" asked Snow-White brushing her hair straight. The prince looked depressed.

"I…I'm prince Luffy, from the neighbor land…" said the prince. The black haired female dwarf walked with a plate of food and looked sadly at the ground. She looked up and let her plate fall seeing Snow-White upright.

"Princess!" she said. Snow-White smiled and waved. "How did you come back alive?" The prince's face paled

"Weren't you sleeping?" He asked

"No, she was dead! I'm so happy! I have to call the others!" She ran away and the prince and princess still looked at the doorway.

"Mystery kiss?" said the prince

"What?" asked Snow-White  
"I kissed you and you woke up…"

"You kissed me?"

"Yea I thought you were sleeping…"

"You kissed me?"

"Yea…"

"You fucking asshole!" yelled Snow-White mad "Why did you do that!"

"B..Because you're so pretty…" Snow-White blushed and scratched her cheek, looking to the other way. "And besides, I came to this land, finding a princess…So will you…?"

"You saved my life and stole my first kiss…Yea…" smiled Snow-White. The prince smiled too and all the dwarfs walked into the room and hugged Snow-White.

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, in this land is the fairest of all?"

The mirror said:

"You, Hancock-Swan~, are fair, it is true. But the young queen is still a thousand times fairer than you"

The queen was horrified to hear this, and so overtaken with fear that she could not say anything. Still, her jealousy drove her to go to the wedding and see the young queen. When she arrived she saw that it was Snow-White. Then they put a pair of iron shoes into the fire until they glowed, and she had to put them on and dance in them. Her feet were terribly burned, and she could not stop until she danced herself to death. Snow-White and prince Luffy lived happily ever after.  
-

**There are coming more 'it's a wicked world' stories XD **

**Preview ch 2**  
**"Yo chick! Let down your orange hair!"**  
**"Are you crazy asshole! Do you know how much it hurts!" yelled Rapunzel mad **

**My inspiration is caused by this song. Just listen I love the song. It's about every fairy tale XD**

**Song: It's a wicked world, Laura Jansen **

**Uh Uh Rupunzel, Rupunzel, let down your golden hair**  
**Giddy up, giddy up on a big white horse, even if your prince ain't there**  
**Oh, I long for ever after like every princess should**  
**But there's always another chapter, and the apple sure tastes good **


End file.
